Monday, November 3, 2008

Top 10 Good Thing Regardless of Who Wins

I totally know my "also-ran" Presidential candidate is not going to win. Hence I've compiled a list of the "Top Ten" good things that will happen depending on the certain outcome of the election, no matter which candidate wins. Enjoy.

Top ten good things if McCain & Palin win:

10. Tina Fey has four years of steady work at SNL.
9. Free elk & moose hunting licenses for all.
8. Democrats sulk for four more years.
7. We get to petition the government for a bailout whenever we’re overdrawn (precedent, right?)
6. We explore the U.S. like Lewis and Clark because other countries want to kill Americans.
5. Satellite photos of Russians looking across the Bering Strait saying “I can’t see her house. What is she talking about?”
4. Revolving door at Mexican border furnished with plush carpeting and string orchestra.
3. George W. Bush captured by Iraquis and exiled to Isle of Elba, Napoleon-style.
2. Great Britain declares independence from United States.
1. David Letterman and Jay Leno have awesome monologs while Sarah Palin in office.

Top 10 good things if Obama & Biden win:

10. The look on welfare recipients faces who voted for Obama when they are now expected to get jobs.
9. The look on Obama’s face when welfare recipients refuse to get jobs.
8. Canada welcomes rich folks seeking tax refuge with open arms.
7. Other countries not quite so dangerous to visit.
6. Christians get first-hand experience dealing with those mysterious Muslims.
5. Huge reduction in military spending because the U.S. can’t afford it anymore, what with all the”domestic” spending.
4. Everyone who shops at The Gap can look like the first lady. (4a. Fifth Avenue elite stores go out of business and the neighborhood becomes far more interesting.)
3. Revolving door at Mexican border replaced with one-way door into US, but no plush carpet or orchestra. Driver’s licenses handed out upon entry.
2. Universal healthcare clinics staffed by Obama voters. Affordable Chinese herbal medicines, rhinoceros tusks and chakri stones are the standard of care.
1. Russia, Cuba & China are our new best friends forever. Long live Obamunism!


T-MAN said...

You completely forgot to list who will provide us with the free nacho cheese fountain!

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