Saturday, September 11, 2010

Lasagna, Sean-style

Well, I never thought this blog would turn into a cooking show, but like a thousand folks asked for my lasagna recipe just because I put a picture up on Facebook. Interestingly, I also tweeted the entire cooking experience on Twitter with photos., but hardly anyone responded. Slightly disgruntled at being underappreciated, I'm putting the recipe here like I Twittered it. Because really, who wants to read "spread evenly across the pan" or some crap like that? That's like the Ambien zombie of literature. Anyway, here's the recipe as posted on Twitter with links to pics! Click the http links if you want to have a friggin' clue what I'm talking about!

 Welcome everyone to#seanskitchen!

Today's dish: lasagna! All you vegans out there, cover your eyes.

First orders of business when in #seanskitchen - preparation. Vodka & soda is a good choice.

If someone gives you shit about cocktals at 3:30pm, offer them a cocktail!

Second step in preparation for #seanskitchen - mood music. This is entirely up to you.

Get your shit together. If u don't like italian sausage, go hide with the vegans. #seanskitchen

Get your biggest, most psycho-killer knife and chop up those tomatoes! Show them no mercy! #seanskitchen

Stick those tomatoes in a pot. Turn up the heat. Ignore those who say you should remove the seeds. They're pussies.

When it's all steamy, turn down the heat and torture those tomatoes.

Ad a lot of garlic! Did you think we're not gonna use fucking garlic?

Add some olive oil & italian seasoning. Use a lot! You're seasoning all the lasagna, not just a pot of tomatoes.

Use whatever the hell tomatoes you want! Just use tomatoes!

Take your big scary knife and disembowel the hell out of some italian sausage!

How u gonna cook that big ol' pasta? In a big ol' pan.

Take the skin off the sausage. Save it to make a festive costume.

Brown that fucking sausage. Use a goddamn bigger pan than me.

You're not cooking in #seanskitchen unless you use at least three burners. Fuck you, microwave.

When some sausage falls on the ground, let the dog have it! This is why you need a bigger goddamn pan!

When it's browned, drain it & let the sausage rest. All meat needs to rest after heat! Even human meat!

You're still simmering those tomatoes, right? SIMMER DOWN! Don't make me come over there!

Use whatever crackpot way you want to tell when pasta is ready. Just put some olive oil on it, for Chrissakes!

Let the tomatoes simmer while the meat rests, the pasta drains & you mix another adult beverage.

Welcome back to #seanskitchen! Your pasta is drained, your italian sausage better have rested. Your tomato sauce is saucing.

Is your tomato sauce all thick & gooey now? Good! If you have an Italian grandma who says sauce needs to be cooked forever, kick her ass.

Make a layer of italian sausage in the bottom of a pan. Feel free to use real Italians.

Layer the pasta on the meat. That shit is still hot! It helps if you get pans to fit the pasta, unlike me.

For God's sake, make a layer of ricotta cheese! Don't be stingy; what is this, weight watchers? #seanskitchen

Make another pasta layer. Add some veggies! I'm using artichoke hearts. Or spinach, eggplant, whatever. I don't care

Spread your awesome tomato sauce all over those veggies! Make 'em orgasm.

Oh sweet Jesus, don't forget to preheat your oven!

More pasta! Shred your mozarella! Do it now!

Put those pans in the freaking oven that Jesus reminded you to preheat.

Leftover pasta? Eat it!

Now on #seanskitchen, baking time. I guess 20-25 minutes? We'll have another break

Those of you that take offense to #seanskitchen, no lasagna for you! Yeah, you!

That shit is DONE! this is what golden-brown looks like on#seanskitchen

Let that shit cool down! It's friggin' HOT! Distribute to friends when cool. Thanks for joining #seanskitchen!

1 comment:

Lizzie said...

That is a fantastic way to share a recipe. I can't believe nobody noticed that on Twitter...I would have been on it like a fat kid on a Smartie.